HONEY, COME QUICK. OUR BOY IS HOME.

And he's still filthy.

A very nice week for the forces of good in the Center City Softball League, with back-to-back wins over the Zoo and Honey Badgers that helped erase the memory of our paddling by the Tap Room.

It was especially nice to see leftfielder Russ Krause come crawling back to us for the Badgers game. He made up this incredible story about having a wife and a child to explain his absence, but we know Russ. He’s a lawyer. He makes up stories for a living, and nobody’s gonna marry him.

The win over the Zoo was pretty straight-forward, but we survived a back and forth game against the Badgers, thanks mostly to a 12-spot in the sixth inning that might be the largest single inning in P&P history. I’d go back through all the scorebooks, but that would be a pretty scary use of time. We also survived having the Blog Committee play third base on the moonscape of Edgeley 3, or maybe it was the other way around.

In any case, against the Zoo, manager Mark Nevins was 4 for 5 with a home run, two triples and four runs batted in. Three hits each for Jimmy V., Brian Donlen, Dan Rubin, George Miller and Jon Snyder. Courtney Sams started off a big week with a 2 for 3 night.

We scored 12 of the 15 runs in the first four innings and coasted home. Ron counted 26 hits, including seven for extra bases.

First rule of softball: 12 runs in an inning doesn't hurt.

On Wednesday, we jumped out quickly as well against the Honey Badgers and led 6-0 after three innings. We also left seven on base, but that didn’t worry us at the time. When the Badgers scored six of their own in the bottom of the fourth, it started to worry us. And when they added four in the fifth to lead 10-7, we were very worried. By that time, we had left 10 on base, and some of it wasn’t even Chip’s fault.

That brought on the top of the sixth and we finally got the hops and the placement and the luck that had been eluding us (although we still left the bases loaded). We brought 18 to the plate in the sixth, made three outs eventually, left three on, and that adds up to 12 runs coming across. There were 14 hits on Tommy DiNardo’s neat scoresheet, including two in the inning by Miller, Nevins, Rubin, Sams and Kathy Matheson. Pretty neat.

Badgers scored three in the bottom of the inning, but both teams went up and down in the seventh and that sealed the 19-13 win. Little Russ was 5 for 6 and Miller also had five hits, all of which landed in fair territory. Four hits each for Nevins, the Blog Committee and winning pitcher Chris Yasiejko. Three for Rubin, Sams and Matheson. Thirty-four hits in all, in 53 at-bats. And, yes, 13 runners left on.

We could complain about that last part, but it wasn’t a week to complain.

Hoagiefest! © is on Tuesday at Dairy 2, hosted by the Bishop’s Cheaters. We are playing at Dairy 4 against Franklin, so it will be an easy walk to the festivities. It’s usually a tough walk back, of course.

As you were.

Beer bongs, bonfires, body shots, naked bocce, extremely bad dating decisions and usually a lot of dogs pooping everywhere. Hoagiefest! (c), the annual celebration of CCSL camaraderie and foolishness is Tuesday following the games.

P&P SHOCKER: JIMMY V. IS ACTUALLY DISGRACED TOUR DE FRANCE WINNER FLOYD LANDIS

Well, it was quite a week in the old Center City Softball League, and the moral compass of our little association is still spinning out of control.

The big news broke first regarding Bishop’s Collar, which was found to have a professional athlete on its roster – former Eagles safety Walter Thurmond – during most of a winning streak that saw the Collar jump way up in league standings.

Here is one account of the story, which also links to the original report on CSN Philly, and then another here that has audio from Thurmond, speaking for the alleged Dick Mahoney. It also has Marcus Hayes, who was brought in as a CCSL expert. It’s kind of a hell of a thing.

We don’t have many rules in the CCSL – in fact, almost none that I’ve ever determined – but you would think that putting a pro athlete on the field would be one of them. (“It’s a league game, Smokey. Mark it zero.”)

However, apparently, you would be wrong. According to sources within the Collar organization, only one member of the team actually knew the real identity of Dick Mahoney and the rest of the team thought the wig was real and not just an homage to Steve Jeltz. Well, OK, sure.

When the Pen & Pencil team played BC this season, it was very early on and Mahoney’s first game. I don’t have the book, but those who were there remember that he looked great, resplendent in an all-white uniform topped by a Dodgers hat, but he didn’t do much, including a strikeout.

Well, he figured things out. The Blog Committee took in a game between the Collar and the Art Museum a week or so later, and saw Thurmond/Mahoney/Jeltz hit two home runs that were monstrous. He was playing centerfield, but despite a certain resemblance, it was determined that this couldn’t be Walter Thurmond because he didn’t get beat deep. (Sorry. Unavoidable.)

It was him, though, the same guy who, on his Eagles bio, said his dream job would be to start at shortstop for the Dodgers.

Now, just as we were getting on our high horse about the sanctity of the league, came the bad news that some of us were dreading. It turns out that Jim Vecchione, brought on board by Chip Proctor this season, had something to hide as well, which might include testosterone patches on his testicles.

Yes, our own Jimmy V. is actually noted Mennonite professional cyclist and occasional doper Floyd Landis. When he arrived at the field on a racing bike and was still able to wear cleats while riding it, that was a tipoff. A few of us on the team were aware of the alias, but who would ever think that an identity scandal would surface in the CCSL? Not I.

So, here’s the bad news. We have to forfeit some wins. The league commissioner is trying to determine how many, and he’s up to his eyebrows with the Bishop’s Collar thing, too. I just can’t decide if it’s time to come clean about Lynch, too.

All of which is amusing, but just delays the game report from the week, which includes a 16-3 loss to the South Philly Tap Room. Basically, we sucked and they showed up. We didn’t field well, and probably gave them half their runs, but, so what, it would have been an 8-3 loss.

We managed just 16 hits, all singles. Leadoff man Keith Craig had three hits and scored two of our runs. Brian Donlen also had three hits. Chris Brennan and the Blog Committee had two hits each and those are the highlights. The rest of the lineup went 6-for-23. Oh, George Miller got so mad at Mark Bruno he hit a foul ball that nearly killed Ron Goldwyn coaching at third. Looked like this.

Manager Mark Nevins returns for games Monday and Wednesday this coming week, and that will definitely get things back on track. He’s got a lot to figure out, like who’s going to play first now that Vecchione/Landis is suspended. That’s a puzzler. Maybe we’ll call the Collar for some recruiting

advice.

Chip and Yaz discuss the Vecchione/Landis controversy deep into the night at Dairy 2.

FUTURE SO BRIGHT, HAVE TO WEAR SHADES

Yes, it took a while, following a narrow loss to the Art Museum and a week off for Memorial Day, but it was finally time to get back on the sunny side of the street and continue the long Pen & Pencil softball tradition of winning.

And Dairy 2 is definitely the sunny side of the street. The P&P offense wasn’t blinded, however,

We need those double bases for the
league next season, right?

banging out 25 hits on the way to a 17-5 win and a season sweep of the National Constitution Center. That win improved our record to 5-1 and erased the memory of the 9-6 loss to the Griffons or Griffins or Andy Griffiths or whatever it is the Art Museum team is calling themselves these days.

Back from out west.

The win over NCC had a little bit of P&P Classic. There were foul balls from George Miller, like this one that nearly tracked down Ron as he coached third base. There was a near-collision involving manager Mark Nevins at first base. Wasn’t his fault, as you can tell from this video, but is it ever? And there was our usual spritely base-running, as demonstrated by Dan Rubin, described in a previous blog post as running like a man touching lightly across lily pads and determined to touch them all. Looks kind of like thishere.

That’s the video portion of our show. Back to mathematics. Against NCC, Jon Snyder, Kate Hagedorn and Chris Yasiejko had two hjts each. Three hits for Miller, Chip Proctor and Jim Vecchione. Four

hits including two doubles for Nevins and four hits with six runs batted in for Brian Donlen.

That’s a fair amount of hitting and we’ll need all of it and more on Tuesday against the South Philly Tap Room, which has struggled a little thus far, but will want to regain its form in this ancient rivalry.

See you then. Get your running in.

"I think the Bob Ford Managing Memorial will go just about right here."